Keeping Up With the Idealistic “JONES’ “

This is not funny. This is a not a normal post. But it is real. hard. feelings of one broke, emotional momma.

Look at everything around you and then back go back to think what you really need. Sometimes I sit here and hate…literally hate myself for what little I can give to my daughter. Wait though…she needs nothing. she asks for nothing. But sometimes I feel as if she shouldn’t be in hand me downs, but I wore hand me downs… So why the hatred for myself.
I think what I’m seeing in myself, finally, is that I am a bit materialistic, a bit stressed, emotional and maybe a little high maintenance. And I hate to admit it. I’m better than that. I would take a free picnic in the park than a night on the town. I like swapping clothes with friends. I don’t mind second hand stores…For myself but not for my child, But why?
Why do I feel overwhelmed with purchasing everything new and when I go through her clothes to wear, I pick out things I know aren’t handed down. Why do I hate people giving us hand me down clothes? Why do I take it personally…? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care.

And I’ve come to find out that keeping up with this Idealistic dream of the Jones’ is bullshit. Overwhelming. Demeaning. Stressful. Hateful. and Down right stupid. But I still can’t help but cringe when someone says “I have a bag of clothes for you”. I hate it. I’m so grateful to have a family that is helping us, but I hate it.

I hate going through everything. Most of the time I just take 90% of it to goodwill. and I hate that I feel…they feel… I NEED it. I hate the feeling of failure that I get… Like it matters if her shirt cost me $0 or $30. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care.

But that is something I can’t get through my head. That this little thing could just be wrapped in a blanket with only a diaper on and she would be happy. She is fed and bathed and clean everyday. Why does it matter if she has everything new?

It’s this time, this world that is so damn fast paced and ridiculously labeled that I cant even think of putting my 3 month old daughter in a hand me down shirt. Like someone is going to know, like anyone is going to care…like I care what anyone thinks.

And sometimes I get pissed that I’m on Medicaid, WIC, and for 6 months Foodstamps with her. Because well affordable health insurance doesn’t really exist to a server/bartender and damn did I need help. And I see so much hate streaming on Facebook, Twitter, and any other social network I was on.
Things about how I, the welfare patron, needs to get a job and support my damn self.
>Oh but our household has 2 steady-paid jobs…I do what I can with the money but its not always enough
On how I, the welfare patron, need to get off the drugs
>Sorry to tell you but my ‘ drug slinging’ days are gone…you can test me now and you could have tested me months ago… just hair test me it’ll tell you that I don’t much like the street drugs… sorryyyy
How I, the welfare patron, somehow am responsible for the amount I get monthly
> I fill out a questionnaire on my pay, my rent and utilities. I specify that I have a child and there are 3 in this household. I don’t ask for $400/month but it’s what they give. take it or leave it. So don’t be pissed at me, be pissed at your state.
How I, the welfare patron, am somehow smaller than you because I ASKED for help when times got tough
>please step in my life and hindsight-ly tell me where I went wrong or better yet, let me help you
I Maxed a Credit Card with a high limit when I was making a ton of money…and then the economy crashed with my j.o.b.
I pay all my bills, every month, I don’t allow things to go to collectors to help save my credit…bc well that credit card is still haunting me
I put my heart and soul into some jobs that weren’t worth the money but they were worth my time and taught me everything i know
I’ll take experience over money
I put others before myself
5 big ‘mistakes’… one very broke girl
On how I, the welfare patron, somehow am trying to ruin the economy
Look I get it, welfare sucks money out of your checks. But Welfare sucks money out of my checks too. I don’t agree with a lot of the programs and procedures and people who abuse it. But its a take it or leave it system. You get what you can. And you try getting out as soon as possible. The welfare business is no fun to be in… I don’t know why anyone would want to stay on it any longer than a year. And I feel being on it, has taught me a lot of things that are wrong with it but it never taught me it was wrong to be on it
So please oh please keep posting your bullshit memes about how people don’t deserve food stamps, How people on Medicaid need to get a clue, and how mother’s on WIC are just plain dumb. Because you are just one of the many that don’t get it and I wish upon you that you have a grandchild one day, who’s parents struggle to make ends meet… and all they need is a few extra bucks to get ’em by. And then I want you to tell those parent how completely stupid they are for trying to raise their child right, for trying to keep their child healthy and vaccinated, for trying to keep food on the table. And then I want you to re-judge me.

This is my conclusion of why I hate myself sometimes. In my times of need, I used resources that were at my disposal and people stomp on you. Not even knowing it. They trample all over you.
Oh how belittled I feel.

Social Networking, Baby Info, Free stuff

I wrote this for a friend so I might as well post it. Just some research info, social networking and free stuff

Call insurance company to see what breastpumps are covered, numbers of the suppliers, and information on lactation consultant coverage.

Use the lactation consultants while in the hospital during recovery!!!

Make sure her employer knows she is going to be breastfeeding and will need 20-30 minutes every 3-5 hrs to pump, she will need a private sanitary place with an outlet.
Definitely get a Double Breast Pump, its takes about 20 minutes to pump fully. And buy a hands free bra, They look goofy but its way easier than trying to hold the pumps to your chest and turn it on… and god forbid the baby wants to be held if you don’t have one! : ))

It is federal law that insurance companies cover all or some of the cost of breast pumps and lactation consultants.
It is also federal law that a employer must allow a nursing mother to pump in a sanitary place (NOT A BATHROOM) or nurse her child while at work. They can ask you to clock out for this time however they cannot deny you of this privilege.
AND it is federal law that a nursing mother can nurse ANYWHERE at anytime without being questioned or asked to cover up…
There are covers if you feel better using them but never ever let someone degrade you for breastfeeding. School them in the law and tell them to call the police on you… they cant do anything either.

Buy Lanolin and breastpads before heading to the hospital

Ok now the free stuff: and always have free offers, you only pay shipping. Like them on Facebook
Sign up for

Similac Strong Moms
they send you free samples of formula, coupons, a ton of information on feeding and raising newborns

Enfamil Family Beginnings

Gerber Baby Start Healthy Stay Healthy

Pampers Gifts to grow
anything from pampers that you buy diapers and wipes has a code on it these codes add up to points which you trade in for different things… Download the app, its way easier than logging into your account online every time

Huggies also has a reward program but I am not really fond of their diapers after the newborn size. The newborn size of huggies had the cord cutout which I like however seem to run small so I do not participate in the program.

Kelloggs Family Rewards
anything you buy from kelloggs has a code which is translated to points, these points can be turned in for free stuff, coupons, ect. You may not use a lot of kelloggs products now but while breastfeeding you will want to eat during your late might feedings. Kelloggs has a ton of little snacks, proteins, gummies, bars, and cereal that will get you thru the night

The Bump
A helpful website and app about your baby’s growth and development
more info about growth and development

Apps to download and try out
(or visit their websites)

What to Expect
The Bump
Baby Center
Pampers Gifts to Grow
23 snaps

Get the VIB card from babies r us and start loading money on it now and throughout your pregnancy. $20/month goes a long way, especially when they give you 10% back. Your VIB card can only be use on diapers, wipes, (and I think formula) After 9 months of savings you’ll have enough for about 7 mega packs of diapers

Be okay with store brands, experiment with them. Meijer baby wipes are ok, Im not fond of Babies R Us brand diapers but Walgreens brand diapers aren’t bad at all. Anything Walgreens and Meijer brand seem to be legit so far.

Buy diapers now or have a Diaper game at your baby shower to enhance the amount of diapers you get.

Right now, Pampers is clearancing the ‘Huge Box’ diapers. 160 diapers for $25-35. This is a great deal. I have found them at Meijer, Walmart, and Kmart. but they are probably everywhere. Its like 18cents/diaper

Buying bottles the same brand as your breast pump is easier. However I came to find that I only like Dr. Browns bottles. So this is an experiment with you and the baby.

Use Biooil now and months after pregnancy to help your skin, stretch marks or Scars

The Social Network
For funny insights, a laugh or two, and extra support and info
follow or like

Playground Dad
The Good Men Project
What to Expect
Baby Center
The Bump
Toys R Us
Babies R Us
Fit Pregnancy
World Food Program

Diaper Rash and Mastisis and Thrush … OH MY!

Well back to being a mom again… oh wait that never ended. Being a mom is a 24 hr job that you get paid for by poopie diapers, a sick baby, and sometimes a sick you. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The baby had her first diaper rash but luckily mom is smart and kicked its ass from the first sign of redness. Nothing a little zinc oxide couldn’t handle. I used Butt Paste by Bourdeux and Desitin Cream. And I couldn’t be happier with the results. I remember a long time ago changing poopy diapers was a pain bc the creams were so thick you had to use 90 wipes just to get it off, making the diaper rash worse. Not anymore! I think the companies realized that… duhduhduh.
So last week or so… me Momma bear was at work and My right boobie hurt…. and was getting harder by the hour… and I mean rock hard. Pumping didn’t help, massage didn’t help, loose clothing didn’t help… So I let it be and dealt with the pain…
SIDENOTE: if you are breastfeeding and it hurts… don’t deal with the pain go get help ASAP, lactation consult, OB-GYN, PCP someone will help you.
… but back to my story. Bad Idea on my part by the time I got home to pump again, Robert had to leave for work and there I was getting weaker by the hour… and may I mention more and more in pain. Then my temperature started rising and that point raised my concern, I don’t get fevers very often. So of course I called my mom, who told me to go to urgent care…
HAHAHA and if you know anything about me, I don’t do hospitals, doctors, ERs, or urgent care. I waited a week with Meningitis to go to the hospital so Urgent care was out of the question for a fever and pain.
… However she did con me into calling the doctor via the on call line, bc it was after hours on a Saturday. And the doctor told me… exactly what my mom had said, I had a breast infection… mastitis actually.
And it only got worse before it got better. My fever grew through the night and trying to care for a little one while trying to care for yourself is kind of a cruel prank. But it wasn’t so bad, I fed the baby with frozen breast milk I had stored away, took ibuprofen every 6 hours and laid in my bed with 4 sets of covers and a hoodie, until I felt warmth… oh mind you it was 78 degrees in my house. The next day I picked up my antibiotics and off I went. I cant say I felt any better… not even by Friday. I was still exhausted, in pain, and my fever wouldn’t quit. But was more off and on sickness after Tuesday… The first 48 hours were the worst, it was like I had the flu. my whole body hurt, my boobies were red and swollen and tender, and nothing seemed to help. I did find that the babys’ thermometer pacifier works wonders, even if your an adult.. and its waaaay easier to read than a glass thermometer. Soooooo once that was over my Little boo was due for her first set of shots…
3 in the leg, 1 orally… And she did great. Fell asleep before, Cried during and fell asleep right after… I cried more than she did. It was traumatizing… and I have to do it every 2 months… : (
However, we went home snuggled all day and I breastfed her throughout the day and night. About halfway into the day my boob began to hurt really bad, not because of the feedings but after. Which I found odd but went on with the day. And later than night, engorgement. My boob was rock hard again… and here comes my nervous breakdown. Quickly, I pumped to make sure there was nothing left. I massaged, used ice, then a hot towel and with little avail, the swelling went down. And the self medicating began. Echinacea 3 times daily, Ibuprofen every 6 hours. Google what the f^*< was happening. I read and read and read some more… looks like me and boo had thrush. Checked her mouth, little white spots all over her mouth. So theeeennnn, I googled more.

SIDENOTE: I also used Cabbage leaves, I don't know if they really help or its a mental thing but they stay cold and are easier to hold in ur bra then an icepack… I would highly recommend it for any engorgement issues. END SIDENOTE.

Here's the absolute stupidity of, like with every disease or infection, how mastitis begins and maybe ends in thrush.
MASTITIS begins as a clogged duct, then turns into an infection, causing your boobs to turn into rocks and your body to go thru the 'flu'. It takes at least 48 hrs of antibiotics for you to feel better, but 10 days of antibiotics to knock it completely out of your system. Oh and tho you're in pain and have an infection you are supposed to keep breastfeeding, I truthfully couldn't handle the pain so I pumped through it. Which as long as your getting the milk out, is ok. So 10 days of antibiotics, any woman knows there is a chance of a yeast infection. WELL that is what thrush is. But baby's get it in their mouth, Little white spots.
Good thing, thrush usually doesn't affect the baby pain wise, it is just there. But when mom get thrush in the nipple and milk ducts, breastfeeding becomes yet again painful. So baby get put on oral anti fungal for 10 days and mom gets on topical antifungal for the nipples and oral antifungal to fight a 'lower' yeast infection for 2 weeks….
yay fun! And thats that. a good month and a half of meds and we kicked this infections ass!

So know we are truly healthy mom and baby, back to breastfeeding with no issues. Its kinda sad that I had forgotten what unpainful breastfeeding felt like until about a week ago!

The things we don’t talk about

As I was wandering work before leaving the other day, a coworker stopped to ask me how things were going and I said great. And they are, don’t get me wrong but she talked about boys and teenage years. Jokingly I laughed it off and said all the boys will be castrated who came to the house and if she’s anything like me, she’s going to die, by my hand.
Now I wasn’t a truly bad child or teenager, I had my flaws and my bad days but more over we talked about how we didn’t cope with our life situations turning us into assholes. Her parents had divorced sending her through a harder teenage experience than most, with her parents being too self absorbed to find her help to cope with the loss.
My parents on the other hand didn’t divorce, I wasn’t picked on in school, I wasn’t popular or unpopular, not a jock, not a nerd… I was just me and I had a group of friends that seemed to be just like me. But depression took over one of my friend’s minds and after his story, I became a bit of an asshole. During our sophomore year he had tried to slit his wrists in the bathroom at school, wanting this pain, which no one could describe, to end. Unsuccessful and what it seemed to be a positive eye opener to him, ended in misery a year later when he took his life with a gun. Now I won’t get into the details of our friendship, let’s just say we knew each other since we were about 2, our brothers’ grew up together, we went to the same school, and here I was sitting in my room wondering what went wrong.

Teens committing suicide is on a rise every year. So is teen homicides, the rate of drug and alcohol use, sex and babies… So how do we stop it? Sex, drugs, pregnancy are talked about in schools every day. But why not depression, mental disorders, and how to cope with loss.

‘We have counseling on staff to talk to’ I remember hearing this quote used over and over by the faculty…. yea they had counseling alright, school counselors who didn’t know a damn thing about loss, depression, or suicide. Or how to make a student at ease with any situation. I fought with my counselor monthly about my school schedule, she was too stupid and bitchy to get that right, how would she help me feel better?

Why is such a relevant thing left out of school? And how can we help our children cope with loss… of a parent, of a single household, of a friend? Most parents I think turn their cheek as if this won’t effect us in our later years, but it’s in those last four years we develop into who we are today. There’s a lot of molding that goes into those years and don’t we want our children to be open and confident on talking about their feelings, instead of turning into assholes.

I remember being emotionally distraught after his first attempt and even worse after his second. I sat in the classroom staring at the wall, sick to my stomach, and holding back any emotion I had. I would go to the bathroom to cry, go home to dwell, and go to work to keep it out of my mind. Though people noticed I had a changed state of mind, not one person offered me help or counseling. Just the pathetic phrases of ‘It’ll get better with time’ or ‘he’s in a better place’ or ‘maybe you should just go home’. Being alone was the last thing I needed and the last thing any teenager needs, I needed my hope and faith in humanity to be restored. I needed to see why life was worth living, why people are joyful and happy. I needed to see and feel why every person doesn’t take their life. But I didn’t get any of that. There was no support group, there was no healing time, there was nothing but a gaping hole with too many questions to ponder. What if? Why? the blame. the shame. where do you go from here?

I turned to self pity, alcohol, hate, overly caring, but above all, I didn’t talk about it to anyone… ever. Not how I truly felt, I sugar coated everything. I tried seeking my own way of help by education and others’ experience. I talk(ed)to his family more, which helped and hurt. I became a person I never thought I would be… I quit truly caring about what people thought or how I felt. Like if I just locked all my emotion inside and made everyone happy, this would never happen again. I would never have to go thru the loss of someone again. But I was wrong, really wrong. Within a year, I had to cope with the fact a friend gave Pat the gun he used, I had to talk to the police about what I knew, I had lost two more friends, and seen another crawl into a dark hole, not speaking to me for months. Because one of those friends, was her brother.

I see now, how this has effected my life and my choices. How most of the time I bottle things up just to let it screw me over in the end… and I wonder if maybe I just had opened up about my feelings and talked to someone if things would be different.

Now, I sit here and think about my own daughter and how much I hate for her to go through bad times, especially when she is older. And how I will try my hardest not to turn my cheek but not to be over bearing in these hard times. How I will teach her to be strong enough to get through but weak enough to be open about her feelings. How I won’t sit and blame it on teenage issues when she needs someone to talk to, and it can’t be me. How I will be willing and able to get her help or counseling, if needed or wanted. How I won’t put her on medication so she cant feel anything, just because the doctor says its best. Overall I hope to teach her that even as her mom, I know what she is going through and I can be a confidant, a friend. That I won’t degrade her feelings but embrace them and except them. And though I can’t make everything better, I can be there for her and help her grow to be stronger.



Breast is best, that’s what they say. Its easy and natural and bleh bleh bleh.
Yes, I believe breast is best too but its not easy, its kind of natural. And there’s why too much information out there to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong until you start doing it yourself.
Breast milk is the best food for your baby, your own body produces if specifically for your baby. It makes the right amount and it knows when to start producing more and less. Its always the right temperture, its never unavailable and its easy to be mobile with.
But its not easy, the art of breastfeeding that is.
An art, you question me eh? yes an art, a practice, a ritual… its nothing but ‘comes natural’
By now you’ve made up your mind breast or bottle… formula or pumping? or maybe your going to try it all out, see what fits in your lifestyle? But if its breastfeeding, here’s my story to you.
Hopefully you find a hospital that enables you to breastfeed and encourages you. Answers your questions and help you. Hopefully, you find a doctor who loves the fact your breastfeeding and a spouse/partner who is supporting. Thats really all you need to breastfeed… oh and your baby!
My hospital staff was great, right after my c-section, we headed to recovery and breastfeeding was established. Lucky for me, Brooklyn was ready and willing to give it a go. She laid on my chest trying to find the milk, suckling and turning her head to figure it out. She latched and ate for 15 minutes. The nurse showed me how to hold her, to get her to latch and how to see if she was eating alright. Reading the million breastfeeding books was extremely helpful at this point. In this regard, breastfeeding WAS natural.
But the pain you experience is enough to make you throw in the towel. Not the first latch, but maybe the second or third. When your body has had enough and your skin cracks, maybe even bleeds. And your wondering
how is this natural???
Its not, its time to grab a nurse or a lactation specialist and ask what gives? Your baby comes out knowin the suckle motion, your body starts its production of milk approx 3 days after birth, but the art of latching and positioning is a learned practice. After two or three suckles, if the harshness of pain doesn’t go away, you have to unlatch and try again. Try that with a crying, hungry baby and a tired mom, right?! Well yea… right.
I kept my calm and my patience and you should too. After about the third feed, I finally started to feel like a natural. I asked questions and had nurses help me. I had no shame and the nurses never judged. I would definitely bring a tube of lanolin to the hospital, the first few weeks are pretty hard with the dryness and cracking. But once that is over, breastfeeding is great and it is natural. I still use Lanolin and nursing pads, 4 weeks postpartum, but its more for precaution then healing now.

And then once you get it down get it right your baby hits a growth spurt. Baby is feeding every two hours on both sides, latching unlatching crying and relatching. You’re tired, baby is hungry and god does the pain stop, its like the first week all over again. Its time to throw in the towel and damn… did I want to, but instead I pumped and gave baby bottles for every other feed, to give me a break and my poor aching breasts, they needed a rest. Once back to normal 3-4 hr feeds, we went back to exclusive breastfeeding. Brooklyn went from breast to bottle to breast to pacifier and back an forth like a champ… hopefully your baby will too!

Read about pumping and bottle feeding, it’s another art you have to learn!

So whats the big deal with breastfeeding anyway? I have noticed since I’ve chosen to be a breastfeeding momma there are a million debates about breastfeeding.. so here’s my outlook on them all… from how natural it is to all the assholes who are unsupportive.
1.) Breast is best.
Yes, breastmilk is best. But its not the only thing out there and you don’t technically have to breastfeed… you can pump and bottle feed, you can use formula, you can pump and use formula, you can also breast feed, pump for bottles and use formula… who knows whats best for you until your baby gets here. Why breastfeeding was best for me… its inexpensive, it came easy to me, and its a bonding experience like no other. I enjoy breastfeeding, so I kept with it. So goodness please if it absolutely appalls you, don’t do it, but then again don’t judge me that I do.
2.) The critics… I mean ‘the assholes’
The people out there… its going to be family members, friends, random people at the store or your job who are going to critique you, before during and after you breastfeed. They’re going to try to get you to bottle feed, try to tell you how terrible breastfeeding is, they’ll tell you their sob or scary story to talk you out of it… hey you know what I say… fuck ’em. If they have that big of an issue with breastfeeding, then maybe their insecure about their own issues in life. Here’s some things that was said to me:
– My wife wanted to breastfeed but she couldnt do it. So you may think you can but you cant.
oh really? So since your wife can’t, I can’t. oh gee, you’re so right i forgot that the whole world evolves around you. Thanks but no thanks for your crummy advice. Im sorry your wife was unable to breastfeed, but don’t put your sob story on me, this is my story not yours.
– I can’t believe you’re going to put yourself through breastfeeding, it’s so painful and terrible.
ohhh… and don’t forget this was said by a male… who I’m 99% sure has never breastfed. But you’re right its so terrible and painful that 4 weeks in and I’m still breastfeeding joyfully.
– My sister said it was the worst thing in the world, she quit after two days. She said it was too stressful and with her pregnancy hormones she was just too overwhelmed.
You’re sister just went through 9 months of pregnancy… her hormones are not to blame. She didn’t want to breastfeed or she would have stuck with it for more than 2 days, it takes up to 6 weeks they say, to get it perfect. Two days was’t worth her time. And being a sister, you should have supported her more and tried to get her to go see a specialist and maybe done her laundry and dishes to make her not so overwhelmed. There they (you know, the assholes) go again blaming it on hormones…so as pregnant, non pregnant people…when aren’t we hormonal?
– You probably just want to do bottle since your going back to work.
ummm… no? Breastfeeding starts at the breast, then goes to the bottle. its a weaning phase, a mixed phase, or a complete transition… We mix it up, I breastfed Baby for 3 weeks exclusively. But since I have to go back to work, we are progressively trying bottles with Dad…and only dad. We are not handing baby off to everyone with a bottle so THEY can feed her. Get over yourself, its my baby…when dad’s not around mom feeds her…with my boob! and when dad is around, she may get a bottle or she may not.
Truthfully, I find bottles to be a pain in the ass. When baby whines…you have to make sure we have breastmilk thawed, then heat it up, then clean the bottles and start all over. And hopefully by the time you get the bottle heated up, your newborn isn’t crying hysterically bc now she’s starving. Breastfeed… baby whines of hunger, boob comes out, baby eats. simple and no thawing, warming, or clean up.
But yea yea yea… don’t lose bonding experience with baby because people are selfish and want to feed the baby or want to hold the baby when shes hungry. You get six weeks, maybe less, to be exclusive with your baby… everyone else can wait.

With Baby…
– I can’t believe you’re going to feed in public
it’s because people like this breastfeeding is looked down on. You can’t believe I would feed my child in public… ohhh not feed… breastfeed. But if I had a bottle it would be fine, until I couldn’t find a place to warm my bottle and my baby was screaming… Who are you to judge me? please go back to your own world where boobs don’t exist and they’re not plastered on every single billboard, social network, and advertisement.
-Oh, that’s not the same.
So what you’re telling me is that you would rather see women sexually exploited all over the media, but not a child being fed. You would rather your child or grandchild grow up thinking breastfeeding is weird and belongs at home… instead of normal, natural and seeing the world… the real world, not the pathetic one minded world in your head. errr… and did you raise this nation of complete idiots too…you know the teens who are getting pregnant because it couldn’t happen to them, the ones killing their own over an iPod, the ones who dont know the worth of a dollar nor how much work it takes to earn that dollar, who doesn’t understand English, who thinks YOLO and OMG are actual phrases, who would rather spend there days posting pictures of the sun, but not actually be in the sun, the ones who have no clue what social security is or what our rights actually mean??? You raised that kind of child, no wonder breastfeeding boggles your mind. Any damn interaction with your child would kill you, thats why you raised that kind of child. And thats why you are not my concern, move along now.
– Breastmilk and formula are practically the same
Let’s try this again… umm no?! formula is a man made substance mixed with water to make a drink that tastes similar to milk that children can gain nutrients from. Yes, formula works. But don’t tell me they’re the same. My child has spit up about 4 times, in 4 weeks. She has no problems with gas, bloating, peeing, or pooping. No acid reflux, no colic. She’s gained approx 2-4 oz a day and she is one of the easiest children Ive dealt with. And she’s healthy.
I’ve never had to change her formula because of allergies or stomach problems. I haven’t had to switch to something so expensive I cried buying it or went broke trying to feed my child. Hell I’ve never had to switch anything because my allergies are her allergies…so I don’t eat things I’m allergic too… hmm weird.
-What about the gawkers?? …the people who don’t say anything, they just stare
Guess what… I just let them stare. Sometimes I stare back at them to make them feel uncomfortable, like they are trying to make me. Heyyyy!!!
Most people aren’t judgmental, most people I have found are intrigued. Not too many moms breastfeed, let alone breastfeed in public. Its like seeing a guy in an orange suit… just something different to stare at and they probably don’t realize they’re staring. So let them stare and gawk at you, if you feel you are doin the right thing then… like I said before… fuck ’em. Feed your baby and feel liberated doing so!

Breastfeeding has come a long way. There are specialists, double pumps, single pumps, manual pumps,disposable nursing pads, washable nursing pads, handmade nursing pads, silicon covers, plastic covers, nursing bras, nursing tank tops, lanolin, heat packs, cold packs, nursing pillows… and they are all out there to make nursing the most joyful and natural experience for you, so use them.

I think that is the most of things, there will always be someone in your life telling you how to raise your child. This is your child, so when it comes to feeding, bathing, and raising, Be the mom and stand up for yourself!
I wish you well in your breastfeeding adventure, don’t forget to read about it! There are also a ton of consultants and specialists, so don’t think you’re alone! get help! feed your baby! love nursing!

Labor and Delivery

Let’s start off this by saying if you don’t want to know about my cervix, dilation, cramps, contractions, uterus or boobs…I would quit reading now. However, it will be a funny yet informative insight to meeting your little one! You also get to find out about induction, Cervadil, Pitocin, epidurals and sadly a C-Section. This is one of the longest blogs I have wrote, so give yourself the time to read!

I was a week overdue, June 24th was the projected date of Ms. Brooklyn Marie, however with her changing positions every week it was not looking like she was coming out anytime soon. So Dr. Dunn and I made the decision to make an appointment for induction, but first cervical softening. The use of Cervadil is used to help aid in the softening of the cervix, which is the first part of labor. Your cervix can start softening in your last weeks of pregnancy, you can also start to dilate weeks prior to delivery. Not me though…
So since Cervadil takes 12 hrs to donits work, I went in Sunday at 6pm.

Sunday at 6pm, I went into the hospital with Robert. I was a little nervous of the unknown but super excited to meet this little one finally! 6pm rolled around quite quickly that day and the hospital staff worked quickly into my room. Disrobe, put this gown on, no bra no underwear… nothing… just the gown. Heres your IV, start pumping fluids into your system and strap these to your belly so we can track the baby and your contractions and then lets talk about your medical history, your birth plan and of course Cervadil and Pitocin.

Cervadil, a little paper like thing with sticky medicine on one side and a long string to help with removal. You have to be very careful with this string bc its connected to your cervix but you have to have it in to 12 hours.. so when you pee and poo and move around in bed… be careful.
Oh yes, and at midnight you must quit eating. So, Cervadil was set in place by the nurse and Robert went to get dinner, Steak and Shake. I sat at the hospital watching random sitcoms while Cervadil did its thing. And labor had begun, not active labor tho, I wasn’t feeling much yet. Around 11pm I started feeling baby contractions, crampiness, and slight discomfort. This lasted until the morning, getting a little worse as time progressed. The nurse checked our (mine and babys) vitals every few hours but insisted we get some rest for the morning.
And morning came quickly with the frequent peeing and vital checks. 7am and a new nurse, Anne, who is a great great nurse. She had to remove the Cervadil and as good as I could describe it… it felt as if she was removing scotch tape from my va-jay-jay…. it was painfully removed.
And after removal, I felt a little better walking and moving but the contractions worsened. But I got to shower, freshen up, and change into a new gown. And we can now let the Pitocin begin. Pitocin brings on your contractions…. fast…. and harshly. You don’t get to go through the textbook 12 hrs labor of a contraction once and hr and then once every 40 minutes, 20 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 min. You get to go from having no contractions to having contractions approx every five minutes and they are strong.
Anne came in every 15-30 minutes to turn up the Pitocin drip, check my vitals, and to make sure I was doing ok. She also had to check my cervix for any softening or dilation… cervical checks… terrible especially if you’re already in pain. But not too much was happening down yonder, A few cm here a few there.
Dr Dunn came in about 1030 to check me and to break the bag. 5cm dilated and she ‘artificially’ broke my bag, which I didn’t think was going to be comfortable but wow, what a weird pain. It was a terrible pain but you have to stay still as possible throughout it. She said my contractions would worsen and if I wanted to get an epidural, now was the time, but I refused.
By 11, my contractions were a minute apart and I couldn’t get a sentence in about the pain. Tears rolled down my face as I said I was ok and didn’t want anything. The back labor was the worse pain. Oh yes, and if you’ve read anything about child birth you know back labor means the baby is turned faceup.
And I have to say Robert was a rock, he stood by me throughout the pain, reminded me of my breathing and position changes. He also stood by me when I denied any pain killers.
It was around 1pm and I had moved from the bed to the chair back to bed to the birthing ball and it came over me. The exhaustion. That’s about all I could call it, I hadnt eaten for over 12 hours, I’ve been handling intense pain every minute for 2 hours and I didn’t feel as if I could do it anymore. Especially not for another 3-5 hrs more. So I asked for it, Give me the epidural please.
Anne had been extremely kind an patient with me understanding my want to do things naturally, however she did ease me into my decision telling me of all the great things, easier labor, minimal pain, a chance to sleep, relaxation can lead to quicker delivery… and she was right except about the delivery.
By 2, the epidural was placed, which was a hard process still going through contractions and having to be completely still. But I could finally breathe, I was relaxed, and I still felt the contractions but never the pain. I could get rest, I enjoyed watchin a movie, listening to music and spending the time with Robert.
By 5pm, I was still only 5cm but now the right side of my cervix had begun to swell, they could tell the baby was face up, and things weren’t looking so great for a vaginal delivery but they stayed positive and so did I. Anne’s shift had come to an end and she was so sad not to see the outcome, she said it was very exciting to see the whole process. One last check of my cervix, 5cm and the swelling was worse. Anne called Dr. Dunn and she said she would be in around 930 to recheck me and to go over our options. So it was practically just a waiting game until then, stay calm and focused. Laura was my nurse now, she came to see how we were doing every so often.
When Dr. Dunn came in she was in her scrubs and asked how I was doing and said Anne talked about how I waited for the epidural and that I was still only 5cm, if that, my cervix was still swelling and the baby was making her transition right back into her breeched location. And she said they could let me labor it out until Wednesday but she wasn’t going to come out without a C-Section. And the process began…
Now I had 3 nurses, an anesthesiologist, Robert, Laura, and myself in my room. Prepping me… compression socks, take Pitocin off my IV, wrap my hair up, answering questions about medicine allergies and intolerances, get Robert in his scrubs, move to OR, change beds, coverup, stick all these monitors to you, put up a barricade so I cant see below my chest, my questions how are you, doing okay brandy?, meeting more nurses OR nurses, and in walks Dr. Dunn assisted by a male doctor. And Robert, who sat next to me.

‘Can you feel this cold?’ as something was placed on my neck. ‘yes.’
‘Ok, now tell me when you feel it again…’
The anesthesiologist placed something on my belly and moved around and around but I felt nothing until it was under my boobs.
‘right there.’ ‘good. she’s ready.’

I’m ready? Am I Ready? To go thru surgery? To be a mom? To try breastfeeding? To ask for help? To change poopy diapers? To feed a child that doesn’t speak? For my life to change in say about 5 minutes???
I was ready. As ready as I would ever be.

I could hear Dr. Dunn and the other doctor talk about incision lines, the nurses talking about utensil count, machines beeping, and Robert and I just staring at each other… like this is reallly happening… now. Right Now.

As Robert and I chit chatted about random things you could here…
Can you feel this? There’s goin to be some pressure. Let me know if you feel nauseous. Can you feel any pain? Oh hi baby girl. Look at those lashes. a few dull cries.
And I was looking at my baby girl.
‘Here she is, I have to go wash her off.’
‘Whats her name?’ ‘Brooklyn’
‘Well Hi Brooklyn.’
And she was whisked away to a place I could not see but only hear.
‘Ok Brandy we just have to close you up.’
I wanted to jump up and down. Ah she’s finally here but all I could do was smile with tears of joy in my eyes.
Robert too. Walking over to her as shes being scored and cleaned up, for her debut next to Mommy’s cheek. Robert sat back down and a few seconds later, Brooklyn was placed next to my face, I could kiss her chunky cheeks, gaze into her sweet eyes, and touch her skin. And off she went again to recovery.
After patching me all up and cleaning off my belly, the curtain was dropped and I was hoisted over to my recovery bed. They said I did great, one of the easiest patients they’ve had. And off to recovery we went. Check my vitals, Check baby’s vitals, make sure dad is ok, time to start skin to skin and breastfeeding. A perfect latch the first time and she was a pro. 2 hours in recovery and we were heading to our Room for the week.

Labor and delivery was over. We have a beautiful baby girl at 10:14pm, 7lbs 1oz, 20 inches long.

And that was it. It seemed like forever but it moved so quickly. 28 hrs later we finally met the little one who’s been playing kickboxing with my kidneys. I have to say Labor and Delivery nurses have no shame, they do this every day. So your exposure is going to come and go like you’ve done this your whole life.
Opening your gown to strangers is quite uncomfortable at first but the longer you stay, the more comfortable you get with your nurse and it seems the more comfortable she is with you. And after delivery, you get to know the Mom and Baby nurses who help you get up and out of bed, take out your lovely catheter, IV, and check your vitals. And they teach you how to clean yourself, talk about gross. You get to wear these big mesh undies, with something they call a pad… its more like a small mattress. And until you quit bleeding like someone was just murdered, you wear these fashionable mesh things and sit on pads in your bed. But once things settle, you can go to regular undies and regular pads. I have to say the pads at the hospital are not your everyday kotex or always… so you may wanna bring some with!
Also if you’re wondering what gets you through all of this, it’s your nurses and your support.
If you have shitty nurses or shitty support, the hospital is going to seem terrible.
Luckily, I had the best time one could have in the hospital, they allowed me to get out of bed by 430am, I was eating solid foods by lunch, showered and in my own clothes by 7pm. My baby stayed with me at all times, except for her first bath and required tests for discharge.

A few tips and tricks:
Don’t overpack, for you or the baby
Take the Motrin and Dulcolax
Drink a lot of water and cranberry juice
Eat… eat when you want and what you want
If you need pain meds, ask for them
Ask for help with breastfeeding, changing diapers, burping, holding… anything. Your nurses deal with babies and new moms everyday, ask them!
Read all the things they give you, when you get the time.
If you cant pee once your catheter is taken out try blowing bubbles in a cup while sitting on the toilet

If you’re breastfeeding:
nursing bra
breast pad
comfy clothes to nurse in

Sleep if you can.
if not, Relax.

and I think that is all the important things you need to know, now go enjoy your baby!

Let the Countdown Begin Week 38

Last few weeks of pregnancy, eh? How is that going for you? Have you turned into cleaning mom, super women, baby blues, a beached whale, stressed out, feeling great, crying a lot???? Maybe all of the above because you have no idea what to feel anymore and people have become certainly annoying with their stupid questions, comments, and ‘concerns’??? Well lets talk about them and if you’re reading along while not being pregnant… let’s make you a good pregnancy companion!

I don’t know how many times I had to tell the same people my due date, if it was a boy or girl, how things were going … yadda yadda yadda. But I knew they asked because they had some care or concern. But what about the assholes… you know the assholes coworkers or your asshole regulars or maybe even your asshole family and friends?? What about them? How degrading and personal can you get with a pregnant person before she isn’t ‘hormonal’ anymore and you’re just the asshole? Yea you… the one talking about how huge she is, how shes not going to make it to her due date, how she needs to just have the kid already, or how you don’t understand how shes still pregnant? oh or why shes going to try natural labor, breastfeeding, and still at work?
Well let’s start with why I’m still at work, yes still, I am post due and I am picking up shifts. If no one has ever told you or anyone else a child tacks on some heavy duty bills and as much help as the state will give you it is never going to be enough. Between rent, electric, water, sewage, food, the little things in life, and all your previous credit card and other debt… adding a baby isn’t easy. So yes, pregnant people still work. And it hurts, makes us tired, stresses us out, but we still have bills to pay and not all of us have million dollar husbands or families. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Also, I enjoy work. Have people ever thought of that??? I enjoy going in and meeting new people, making possible new friends, hearing stories of their kids, and being able to have conversations that don’t include a wall, a dog, or myself as the thing listening to me. Sitting at home while your pregnant sounds nice, it really does, but actually doing it can drive you bat shit crazy. And I don’t know how people cant understand this… With Why are you still working? Why don’t you just go home and have the baby? Why does Robert allow you to work? so let’s clear some shit up now. I work to make money and because I enjoy it, I don’t go home and have this baby because well THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS… well talk more about this next, and Robert doesn’t allow me to work, he doesn’t allow me to do anything except vacuum because he has to carry it up and down the stairs… and he’s not stupid he knows I need out of the house and we need the extra cash.
What about the ‘you’re still pregnant’ remarks. Oh my god, You’re still pregnant, you still haven’t had the baby, you’re so huge, go have her I want to meet her, Im anxious…. oh shut the hell up already… all of you. Nothing is more degrading to a pregnant women then how overdue and huge she really is and why you, a bystander, have all the right answers.
This is where I’m going to see a bit ‘hormonal’ but believe me it’s really that you’re a complete idiot with no common courtesy. Let’s check the facts first,
a.) most first pregnancy’s go into post date, meaning approx. 85% of all first pregnancy’s go passed their due date
b.) a due date is a made up date in which your last period and the rate in which the ultrasound says your baby is growing
c.) my doctor knows much more about my cervix and my vagina then you ever will
d.) Pregnancy can last up to 42 weeks without a doctors concern after that the doctor and patient, meaning me the mom, not you will choose what is best for mom and baby
e.) its not my choice to be overdue, but obviously the baby isn’t ready and as long as she is healthy, I’m not going to force her out. Induction isn’t supposed to be used before 40 weeks and for those who used it before that, we can debate later
So asshole, I haven’t had this baby because she was breech and then she moved and then she scooted back up and then she stayed there. She’s not ready, my cervix isn’t ready, and if you’re real curious I haven’t dilated 1 tiny fucking cm… ok?! So if you think you’re all high and mighty and know when Im going to have this baby, maybe you should go get your degree, Okay Dr Phil? and then after you do that go join Dr. Oz and all three of you can have a show about psyche, losing wight and having babies.
And YES for God’s sake Im STILL PREGNANT… Do you see my belly, do you? Or are you a complete idiot and just like my witty comments. You’re still pregnant… Nope baby’s at home and I decided to wear a fat suit for now on… As Jeff Foxworthy would say, here’s your sign! And maybe people ask this question, because they don’t know what to say… well here are some fine options:
a.) Aww, you look great today, you can see the pregnancy glow from across the room
b.) That is a very cute dress/outfit/shoes/ect
c.) I applaud that you are still working, I wish more people were like you
d.) I’m happy to see you’re pregnancy going so well
e.) anything other than “wow, you’re still pregnant” is great!

I also dislike people telling me how anxious they are and they just wish I would have the baby already. Oh really are you? You’re anxious? Im pretty sure Im the one who has been pregnant, not you. And Im not at all that anxious to push this baby out of my tiny, little va jay jay… I’ll be excited when I have my baby and get to see her and hold her. But I’m not anxious. So tellin me you’re anxious, pretty much just annoys me. And I know the family is anxious, so I’m not saying your all assholes. Im just saying watch how you say things and how often you say things. Shooting me a text like hey, thinking about you, getting anxious to see the wee one… Is much nicer then seeing the same text ‘Im anxious have the baby already would you’ or talking to the same person about the same bullshit everyday, because truthfully if you’re not “family” I don’t really give a shit how you feel about my pregnancy. (i use family in ” ” because most of my family are not blood related, but they know who they are)
And for all your arrogant people out there who are like wow, this girl’s a real bitch or really hormonal… I’m not. I am kind of a bitch, but Im not hormonal, Im being truthful and if you cant see it lets put it into perspective. Pregnant woman have so much going on in their lives, especially in the last few weeks and 90% of what they are preparing for is the unknown. It’s like going to hike a new mountain that you have all the information but all the information says “everyone’s experience is different, this is just general information”. Its stressful and exciting and scary and happy and sad and all of that rolled into one. And the last thing they need is for you, whoever you are, be you the best friend, the mom, the in law, the customer, the regular, the co-worker, the boss, the friend, the acquaintance, the random person in the store… telling her what she needs to do, how big she is, or how your/your wifes/sisters/bestfriends pregnancy was. What if every time you went up to her she was like, “Oh, is your marriage failing STILL?” “You haven’t fixed your life YET?” ” You’re son is STILL an asshole?” “You’re STILL fixing up your house?” “You STILL haven’t found a job?””My dad lost his job and bought my mom nice things, why can’t you do that for your wife?” “I really don’t know much about you but maybe you should change your doctor because when I hurt my hand my doctor…. bleh bleh bleh” “I know were not in the ‘same situation’ but one time when I was stressed out, I just did yoga, you should try yoga” “You know I can’t wait until you lose weight so we can go out and do things again” and when you’re having a great day, I hope she comes up to you and says “You seem miserable, why don’t you go home and relax?”
And after she says such personally demeaning things to you, I want you to smile and laugh it off, just like we have to because if we don’t, its blamed on hormones and not your assholish tendencies of forgetting to keep your mouth shut…. get it now???? Your momma taught you how to think before you speak and if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all….time to use what your momma told you!

And last but not least, I’m not huge. I’m pregnant. I have a baby who is approx. 6-8 lbs growing inside me. On top of that, I have 2x the amount of blood in my body, 20% more water, a sac of fluid that weighs about 5 lbs which is covered by my growing uterus that weighs approx 2-5 lbs, my breasts are producing milk and fatty tissue to aid in breastfeeding, some fat is being stored for energy during delivery, oh yea and the placenta that is nurturing my baby weighs about 3 lbs. So you wanna know how much weight I’ve actually gained because Im sooooooooo big…. oh around twenty to thirty GO F*#& YOURSELF pounds. But next time you pack on a few pounds, I’ll be sure to let you know! 😳

So besides all the ignorant people of the world, how are these last few weeks going… well great! Her nursery is finally set up and its the cutest room in the house, the fridge is stocked with food and quick meals and ice cream bars, the house is clean, my bags are packed, and I feel great. I do my yoga every night and I prepare the house a little more each day, and some days I just lay with my pup and talk to him about his new little sister.
I did have a crying break down over dinner one night, but I knew that was just a hormonal craze I would have to get thru. But my loving boyfriend, picked me up off the floor and held me telling me everything was going to be fine and as I told him how much of a baby back bitch I was he went in the kitchen and made me dinner. And now I am a week overdue, so with an extra ultrasound this week, no cervix softening, no dilation, and very few contractions, the doctor thinks induction at 41 weeks is best, so we went out last night for dinner to a little fancy restaurant for the last time as a couple without child. And it was great getting my LBD on, doing my hair and make up and throwin on a pair of heels… for the last time as a preggar! Dinner was fun, walking around downtown was fun, watching a rented movie eating chocolate eclairs was relaxing and now next time you hear from me, I will be mom of Baby Brooklyn come Monday and I will tell you all about the induction, labor and delivery process. No horror stories just cold hard witty facts and comments about the natural process of child birth. And I’m so freaking excited you wouldn’t believe! TTFN as Tigger says! Ta Ta For Now my friends, talk to you soon!