Keeping Up With the Idealistic “JONES’ “

This is not funny. This is a not a normal post. But it is real. hard. feelings of one broke, emotional momma.

Look at everything around you and then back go back to think what you really need. Sometimes I sit here and hate…literally hate myself for what little I can give to my daughter. Wait though…she needs nothing. she asks for nothing. But sometimes I feel as if she shouldn’t be in hand me downs, but I wore hand me downs… So why the hatred for myself.
I think what I’m seeing in myself, finally, is that I am a bit materialistic, a bit stressed, emotional and maybe a little high maintenance. And I hate to admit it. I’m better than that. I would take a free picnic in the park than a night on the town. I like swapping clothes with friends. I don’t mind second hand stores…For myself but not for my child, But why?
Why do I feel overwhelmed with purchasing everything new and when I go through her clothes to wear, I pick out things I know aren’t handed down. Why do I hate people giving us hand me down clothes? Why do I take it personally…? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care.

And I’ve come to find out that keeping up with this Idealistic dream of the Jones’ is bullshit. Overwhelming. Demeaning. Stressful. Hateful. and Down right stupid. But I still can’t help but cringe when someone says “I have a bag of clothes for you”. I hate it. I’m so grateful to have a family that is helping us, but I hate it.

I hate going through everything. Most of the time I just take 90% of it to goodwill. and I hate that I feel…they feel… I NEED it. I hate the feeling of failure that I get… Like it matters if her shirt cost me $0 or $30. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care.

But that is something I can’t get through my head. That this little thing could just be wrapped in a blanket with only a diaper on and she would be happy. She is fed and bathed and clean everyday. Why does it matter if she has everything new?

It’s this time, this world that is so damn fast paced and ridiculously labeled that I cant even think of putting my 3 month old daughter in a hand me down shirt. Like someone is going to know, like anyone is going to care…like I care what anyone thinks.

And sometimes I get pissed that I’m on Medicaid, WIC, and for 6 months Foodstamps with her. Because well affordable health insurance doesn’t really exist to a server/bartender and damn did I need help. And I see so much hate streaming on Facebook, Twitter, and any other social network I was on.
Things about how I, the welfare patron, needs to get a job and support my damn self.
>Oh but our household has 2 steady-paid jobs…I do what I can with the money but its not always enough
On how I, the welfare patron, need to get off the drugs
>Sorry to tell you but my ‘ drug slinging’ days are gone…you can test me now and you could have tested me months ago… just hair test me it’ll tell you that I don’t much like the street drugs… sorryyyy
How I, the welfare patron, somehow am responsible for the amount I get monthly
> I fill out a questionnaire on my pay, my rent and utilities. I specify that I have a child and there are 3 in this household. I don’t ask for $400/month but it’s what they give. take it or leave it. So don’t be pissed at me, be pissed at your state.
How I, the welfare patron, am somehow smaller than you because I ASKED for help when times got tough
>please step in my life and hindsight-ly tell me where I went wrong or better yet, let me help you
I Maxed a Credit Card with a high limit when I was making a ton of money…and then the economy crashed with my j.o.b.
I pay all my bills, every month, I don’t allow things to go to collectors to help save my credit…bc well that credit card is still haunting me
I put my heart and soul into some jobs that weren’t worth the money but they were worth my time and taught me everything i know
I’ll take experience over money
I put others before myself
5 big ‘mistakes’… one very broke girl
On how I, the welfare patron, somehow am trying to ruin the economy
Look I get it, welfare sucks money out of your checks. But Welfare sucks money out of my checks too. I don’t agree with a lot of the programs and procedures and people who abuse it. But its a take it or leave it system. You get what you can. And you try getting out as soon as possible. The welfare business is no fun to be in… I don’t know why anyone would want to stay on it any longer than a year. And I feel being on it, has taught me a lot of things that are wrong with it but it never taught me it was wrong to be on it
So please oh please keep posting your bullshit memes about how people don’t deserve food stamps, How people on Medicaid need to get a clue, and how mother’s on WIC are just plain dumb. Because you are just one of the many that don’t get it and I wish upon you that you have a grandchild one day, who’s parents struggle to make ends meet… and all they need is a few extra bucks to get ’em by. And then I want you to tell those parent how completely stupid they are for trying to raise their child right, for trying to keep their child healthy and vaccinated, for trying to keep food on the table. And then I want you to re-judge me.

This is my conclusion of why I hate myself sometimes. In my times of need, I used resources that were at my disposal and people stomp on you. Not even knowing it. They trample all over you.
Oh how belittled I feel.


Social Networking, Baby Info, Free stuff

I wrote this for a friend so I might as well post it. Just some research info, social networking and free stuff

Call insurance company to see what breastpumps are covered, numbers of the suppliers, and information on lactation consultant coverage.

Use the lactation consultants while in the hospital during recovery!!!

Make sure her employer knows she is going to be breastfeeding and will need 20-30 minutes every 3-5 hrs to pump, she will need a private sanitary place with an outlet.
Definitely get a Double Breast Pump, its takes about 20 minutes to pump fully. And buy a hands free bra, They look goofy but its way easier than trying to hold the pumps to your chest and turn it on… and god forbid the baby wants to be held if you don’t have one! : ))

It is federal law that insurance companies cover all or some of the cost of breast pumps and lactation consultants.
It is also federal law that a employer must allow a nursing mother to pump in a sanitary place (NOT A BATHROOM) or nurse her child while at work. They can ask you to clock out for this time however they cannot deny you of this privilege.
AND it is federal law that a nursing mother can nurse ANYWHERE at anytime without being questioned or asked to cover up…
There are covers if you feel better using them but never ever let someone degrade you for breastfeeding. School them in the law and tell them to call the police on you… they cant do anything either.

Buy Lanolin and breastpads before heading to the hospital

Ok now the free stuff: and always have free offers, you only pay shipping. Like them on Facebook
Sign up for

Similac Strong Moms
they send you free samples of formula, coupons, a ton of information on feeding and raising newborns

Enfamil Family Beginnings

Gerber Baby Start Healthy Stay Healthy

Pampers Gifts to grow
anything from pampers that you buy diapers and wipes has a code on it these codes add up to points which you trade in for different things… Download the app, its way easier than logging into your account online every time

Huggies also has a reward program but I am not really fond of their diapers after the newborn size. The newborn size of huggies had the cord cutout which I like however seem to run small so I do not participate in the program.

Kelloggs Family Rewards
anything you buy from kelloggs has a code which is translated to points, these points can be turned in for free stuff, coupons, ect. You may not use a lot of kelloggs products now but while breastfeeding you will want to eat during your late might feedings. Kelloggs has a ton of little snacks, proteins, gummies, bars, and cereal that will get you thru the night

The Bump
A helpful website and app about your baby’s growth and development
more info about growth and development

Apps to download and try out
(or visit their websites)

What to Expect
The Bump
Baby Center
Pampers Gifts to Grow
23 snaps

Get the VIB card from babies r us and start loading money on it now and throughout your pregnancy. $20/month goes a long way, especially when they give you 10% back. Your VIB card can only be use on diapers, wipes, (and I think formula) After 9 months of savings you’ll have enough for about 7 mega packs of diapers

Be okay with store brands, experiment with them. Meijer baby wipes are ok, Im not fond of Babies R Us brand diapers but Walgreens brand diapers aren’t bad at all. Anything Walgreens and Meijer brand seem to be legit so far.

Buy diapers now or have a Diaper game at your baby shower to enhance the amount of diapers you get.

Right now, Pampers is clearancing the ‘Huge Box’ diapers. 160 diapers for $25-35. This is a great deal. I have found them at Meijer, Walmart, and Kmart. but they are probably everywhere. Its like 18cents/diaper

Buying bottles the same brand as your breast pump is easier. However I came to find that I only like Dr. Browns bottles. So this is an experiment with you and the baby.

Use Biooil now and months after pregnancy to help your skin, stretch marks or Scars

The Social Network
For funny insights, a laugh or two, and extra support and info
follow or like

Playground Dad
The Good Men Project
What to Expect
Baby Center
The Bump
Toys R Us
Babies R Us
Fit Pregnancy
World Food Program

Diaper Rash and Mastisis and Thrush … OH MY!

Well back to being a mom again… oh wait that never ended. Being a mom is a 24 hr job that you get paid for by poopie diapers, a sick baby, and sometimes a sick you. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The baby had her first diaper rash but luckily mom is smart and kicked its ass from the first sign of redness. Nothing a little zinc oxide couldn’t handle. I used Butt Paste by Bourdeux and Desitin Cream. And I couldn’t be happier with the results. I remember a long time ago changing poopy diapers was a pain bc the creams were so thick you had to use 90 wipes just to get it off, making the diaper rash worse. Not anymore! I think the companies realized that… duhduhduh.
So last week or so… me Momma bear was at work and My right boobie hurt…. and was getting harder by the hour… and I mean rock hard. Pumping didn’t help, massage didn’t help, loose clothing didn’t help… So I let it be and dealt with the pain…
SIDENOTE: if you are breastfeeding and it hurts… don’t deal with the pain go get help ASAP, lactation consult, OB-GYN, PCP someone will help you.
… but back to my story. Bad Idea on my part by the time I got home to pump again, Robert had to leave for work and there I was getting weaker by the hour… and may I mention more and more in pain. Then my temperature started rising and that point raised my concern, I don’t get fevers very often. So of course I called my mom, who told me to go to urgent care…
HAHAHA and if you know anything about me, I don’t do hospitals, doctors, ERs, or urgent care. I waited a week with Meningitis to go to the hospital so Urgent care was out of the question for a fever and pain.
… However she did con me into calling the doctor via the on call line, bc it was after hours on a Saturday. And the doctor told me… exactly what my mom had said, I had a breast infection… mastitis actually.
And it only got worse before it got better. My fever grew through the night and trying to care for a little one while trying to care for yourself is kind of a cruel prank. But it wasn’t so bad, I fed the baby with frozen breast milk I had stored away, took ibuprofen every 6 hours and laid in my bed with 4 sets of covers and a hoodie, until I felt warmth… oh mind you it was 78 degrees in my house. The next day I picked up my antibiotics and off I went. I cant say I felt any better… not even by Friday. I was still exhausted, in pain, and my fever wouldn’t quit. But was more off and on sickness after Tuesday… The first 48 hours were the worst, it was like I had the flu. my whole body hurt, my boobies were red and swollen and tender, and nothing seemed to help. I did find that the babys’ thermometer pacifier works wonders, even if your an adult.. and its waaaay easier to read than a glass thermometer. Soooooo once that was over my Little boo was due for her first set of shots…
3 in the leg, 1 orally… And she did great. Fell asleep before, Cried during and fell asleep right after… I cried more than she did. It was traumatizing… and I have to do it every 2 months… : (
However, we went home snuggled all day and I breastfed her throughout the day and night. About halfway into the day my boob began to hurt really bad, not because of the feedings but after. Which I found odd but went on with the day. And later than night, engorgement. My boob was rock hard again… and here comes my nervous breakdown. Quickly, I pumped to make sure there was nothing left. I massaged, used ice, then a hot towel and with little avail, the swelling went down. And the self medicating began. Echinacea 3 times daily, Ibuprofen every 6 hours. Google what the f^*< was happening. I read and read and read some more… looks like me and boo had thrush. Checked her mouth, little white spots all over her mouth. So theeeennnn, I googled more.

SIDENOTE: I also used Cabbage leaves, I don't know if they really help or its a mental thing but they stay cold and are easier to hold in ur bra then an icepack… I would highly recommend it for any engorgement issues. END SIDENOTE.

Here's the absolute stupidity of, like with every disease or infection, how mastitis begins and maybe ends in thrush.
MASTITIS begins as a clogged duct, then turns into an infection, causing your boobs to turn into rocks and your body to go thru the 'flu'. It takes at least 48 hrs of antibiotics for you to feel better, but 10 days of antibiotics to knock it completely out of your system. Oh and tho you're in pain and have an infection you are supposed to keep breastfeeding, I truthfully couldn't handle the pain so I pumped through it. Which as long as your getting the milk out, is ok. So 10 days of antibiotics, any woman knows there is a chance of a yeast infection. WELL that is what thrush is. But baby's get it in their mouth, Little white spots.
Good thing, thrush usually doesn't affect the baby pain wise, it is just there. But when mom get thrush in the nipple and milk ducts, breastfeeding becomes yet again painful. So baby get put on oral anti fungal for 10 days and mom gets on topical antifungal for the nipples and oral antifungal to fight a 'lower' yeast infection for 2 weeks….
yay fun! And thats that. a good month and a half of meds and we kicked this infections ass!

So know we are truly healthy mom and baby, back to breastfeeding with no issues. Its kinda sad that I had forgotten what unpainful breastfeeding felt like until about a week ago!

Hormonal Today

Hitting the hormonal section of pregnancy, guess it’s time. I’m tired, my feet hurt, I didn’t work much this week and I got a lot done but today I went back to work for a normal 8 hrs shift and felt as if my anxiety was crazy high and my temperament for people is at an all time low. I just think my mind is on high speed and my body is slowing down, telling me it’s time for rest. 10 more weeks, just 10 more weeks…. but this is how today felt…
(copied and edited text to mom)
I didn’t sleep long enough and I feel like the morning came to quickly and I had to be at work an hr earlier which screwed up my time basis. and I didn’t want to go to work this morning, that’s not normal. I left a little late bc I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t find my clock in card, to only find it in the wrong pocket of my purse, making me feel a bit more crazy. and then I couldn’t finish anything today, id start one thing then have to do something else and our beer truck didn’t come today so we didn’t have anything to stock and that stresses me out, though i know i cant do anything about it. and as I was trying to leave the servers and all like “wah, your being crazy pregnant today” and my customers are like “bleh, can’t think straight cuz your pregnant” and I just wanna be like “fuck off I don’t bitch when you have an off day”. then I find out I am opening the restaurant tomorrow at 8am which isn’t really a big deal, but that I didn’t notice it on the schedule, stresses me out bc i don’t not know my schedule….ever. idk??? I just want to crawl in my bed.

I need to go get my nails done but just don’t want to leave the chair in my living room, chocolate, a bubble bath, maybe some yoga…maybe something will get my stress down and my anxiety to slow. But until then I just feel crazy and irrational.

Oh the changes…

Don’t read this if you don’t wanna know more terror… lol

So hello, it’s been so long…working a lot lately. So what have you been going through lately… We’ve hit the 3rd Trimester this week! Less Energy for you, More Baby Activity, what about your lovely ta-tas, how are they holding on? Mine are growing a lb a day it seems and nothing seems to help, the new bras, the sports bra, the top with a bra built in…and have you looked into buying Nursing Pads yet? oh wait, but we’re not nursing, get ready for it… you may start “leaking” before the baby comes and from what I’ve heard from my girlfriends…. its just about to get worse after the baby. Pregnancy seems to be a leaky leaky situation. And your nose is stuffy and your brain…well that is gone…

I don’t feel as if I can keep up with work anymore, I go brain dead mid-sentence half the time or while I’m trying to ring something into the computer, I just stare at the screen until I remember again…Oh and what about remembering things and writing them down correctly, that skill has too left me. But I love work so I’m not leaving anytime soon, they may just have to kick me out!

Even tho I have less energy, I have been keeping up with my fit-ness if you will! Downloading Pre-Natal Yoga, Pilates, and Fitness videos. Yoga is exhausting just to let you know, I never knew Downward Facing Dog could be so hard. And don’t download or try videos in which the “instructor” is not pregnant, it makes you hate them (and that’s irrational). 

I have found that in my previous post.. you know the lovely UTI one… CAN and did get worse… back to the doctor I went last week and the doctor laughed and said Yes, you have these cells and high count in these cells and it looks like kidney stones maybe. “Awesome.” was my response. So it was back to the antibiotics, which I’m still on and more water. Which neither go nicely with a baby dancing on your bladder and every other organ you once enjoyed.

And How’s your baby doing? Is it a he or she? Is she dancing around in your belly and maybe sticking her foot in your rib cage just because she fits there. Or maybe she’s flipping around over and over and you just see your stomach wave about, like a scene from Alien??! If you’re anything like me, you find it extremely uncomfortable but totally enjoyable to feel and watch. 

And How are your dreams… or wait are you sleeping? Low Energy, No Rest, No Sleeping, and if you do get sleep it leads to crazy dreams…. wait what?! Exactly, your days of sleeping are over, the tossing and turning has started or maybe you have to pee every…hour or so, and you probably have made it an igloo inside your room just so your comfortable temperature wise. 

So changes eh… have fun! you’re pregnant!

First Minor Freak out

So Brooklyn has been moving around all over. Robert even gets to feel her little kicks and punches. It’s pretty cool to finally be able to share these moments. And we can’t wait to share more but for now he tells her how crazy I am through my belly.
Oh and we also registered for the baby shower finally!!! I was worried about what to register for what not to register for and everything in between. But I seemed Robert had shoes covered anything from sandals to converse to Nike and puma. It was great watching him get excited about the baby and her link wardrobe. I tried being more focused on books and toys to teach her shapes and colors. It was pretty fun but extremely overwhelming. But I have to say from what I’ve heard… just register for it all, big small expensive or not if you like it and you want it, register for it. At least you get a nice discount on it if no one purchases it for you.
So besides all the great things that I have to tell you, don’t forget of all the terrible things that happen during pregnancy…acne, infections, energy lag and of course weight gain. And of course it all started last night… the pain that is. If your anything like me, you don’t quit you go go go and you try to listen to your body but sometimes you take some minor aches and pain as normal. Last night, I felt a little crampy and as I had to go to the bathroom but didn’t. So my thought was a UTI coming on, get some AZO and cranberry juice in the morning and chug water tonight. Drinking water didn’t help, it kept me up throughout the night, waking up almost every hour, feeling as if my bladder was more than full, only to find it was less then full and now spasming every time I tried. I still pushed thru it, figuring I could flush it out and see the doctor Tuesday. After taking a shower and being in one of the most uncomfortable pains I’ve been in, I told Robert I needed to call off and go to the doctor, I couldn’t even bear to take Max for his morning around the complex. I felt useless and apologized but didn’t understand my pain, I’ve had a UTI before but not this bad. And then there’s the blood, the last three times I ran to the bathroom there was blood. Which made my body shake and my heart break, something is wrong. I called my mom and then the doctor who both believed I needed to get in ASAP. I opened the doors for work and sat in the office, I called the GM and everyone else I could think of to get my shift covered. I was in pain and terrified and I could keep a straight mind for the life of me. I wanted to cry every time I tried to pee and finally the doctors office had opened! The got me in within 30 minutes and out within 10. Of course, no worries but a bad UTI with lots of blood within the urine. Antibiotics and rest today, see the doctor on Tuesday and back to the grind tomorrow.
So I guess my advice to you, is not to wait until the last day, the last minute, to get your rest or to call your doctor. Minor things in pregnancy are a bit different since we are now the carriers of our children’s body, safety and health.
Somedays your body just says no and you must abide…


or shall we say rhino-itis… The book and the apps say it is common to have rhinitis during pregnancy, you know the swelling of membranes within you nose that make you congested. Amazing its it…6 months pregnant, your nose bleeds almost on cue and its stuffy all at the same time. But there’s more to it… that’s why we are calling it rhino-itis.
Because not only is your nose stuffy and “swollen” so are your feet, your hands, and more than likely your belly. Uncomfortable is what we shall call today. Also don’t forget about those other things growing on your face, yea your ance, you can blame that on your hormones too. Goodness gracious… do you get rhino-itis yet…? Big nose, a horn, being a bit bigger than normal, moving slow, you feet being almost as big as you thighs… Rhino-itis

Though ladies (and gents), its really only this bad to you. People will comment on how big you get every time they see you… but let’s be real somedays were bloated somedays were not, and well most days we feel a bit bloated, but other people think we look just great, carrying this baby so well. And you are, so smile and go with it.
Remember though you may feel like a rhino, no one sees that, and maybe you should too try to change your thoughts! : ))
And that is Future Baby and my thoughts for today!