Breast is best, that’s what they say. Its easy and natural and bleh bleh bleh.
Yes, I believe breast is best too but its not easy, its kind of natural. And there’s why too much information out there to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong until you start doing it yourself.
Breast milk is the best food for your baby, your own body produces if specifically for your baby. It makes the right amount and it knows when to start producing more and less. Its always the right temperture, its never unavailable and its easy to be mobile with.
But its not easy, the art of breastfeeding that is.
An art, you question me eh? yes an art, a practice, a ritual… its nothing but ‘comes natural’
By now you’ve made up your mind breast or bottle… formula or pumping? or maybe your going to try it all out, see what fits in your lifestyle? But if its breastfeeding, here’s my story to you.
Hopefully you find a hospital that enables you to breastfeed and encourages you. Answers your questions and help you. Hopefully, you find a doctor who loves the fact your breastfeeding and a spouse/partner who is supporting. Thats really all you need to breastfeed… oh and your baby!
My hospital staff was great, right after my c-section, we headed to recovery and breastfeeding was established. Lucky for me, Brooklyn was ready and willing to give it a go. She laid on my chest trying to find the milk, suckling and turning her head to figure it out. She latched and ate for 15 minutes. The nurse showed me how to hold her, to get her to latch and how to see if she was eating alright. Reading the million breastfeeding books was extremely helpful at this point. In this regard, breastfeeding WAS natural.
But the pain you experience is enough to make you throw in the towel. Not the first latch, but maybe the second or third. When your body has had enough and your skin cracks, maybe even bleeds. And your wondering
how is this natural???
Its not, its time to grab a nurse or a lactation specialist and ask what gives? Your baby comes out knowin the suckle motion, your body starts its production of milk approx 3 days after birth, but the art of latching and positioning is a learned practice. After two or three suckles, if the harshness of pain doesn’t go away, you have to unlatch and try again. Try that with a crying, hungry baby and a tired mom, right?! Well yea… right.
I kept my calm and my patience and you should too. After about the third feed, I finally started to feel like a natural. I asked questions and had nurses help me. I had no shame and the nurses never judged. I would definitely bring a tube of lanolin to the hospital, the first few weeks are pretty hard with the dryness and cracking. But once that is over, breastfeeding is great and it is natural. I still use Lanolin and nursing pads, 4 weeks postpartum, but its more for precaution then healing now.

And then once you get it down get it right your baby hits a growth spurt. Baby is feeding every two hours on both sides, latching unlatching crying and relatching. You’re tired, baby is hungry and god does the pain stop, its like the first week all over again. Its time to throw in the towel and damn… did I want to, but instead I pumped and gave baby bottles for every other feed, to give me a break and my poor aching breasts, they needed a rest. Once back to normal 3-4 hr feeds, we went back to exclusive breastfeeding. Brooklyn went from breast to bottle to breast to pacifier and back an forth like a champ… hopefully your baby will too!

Read about pumping and bottle feeding, it’s another art you have to learn!

So whats the big deal with breastfeeding anyway? I have noticed since I’ve chosen to be a breastfeeding momma there are a million debates about breastfeeding.. so here’s my outlook on them all… from how natural it is to all the assholes who are unsupportive.
1.) Breast is best.
Yes, breastmilk is best. But its not the only thing out there and you don’t technically have to breastfeed… you can pump and bottle feed, you can use formula, you can pump and use formula, you can also breast feed, pump for bottles and use formula… who knows whats best for you until your baby gets here. Why breastfeeding was best for me… its inexpensive, it came easy to me, and its a bonding experience like no other. I enjoy breastfeeding, so I kept with it. So goodness please if it absolutely appalls you, don’t do it, but then again don’t judge me that I do.
2.) The critics… I mean ‘the assholes’
The people out there… its going to be family members, friends, random people at the store or your job who are going to critique you, before during and after you breastfeed. They’re going to try to get you to bottle feed, try to tell you how terrible breastfeeding is, they’ll tell you their sob or scary story to talk you out of it… hey you know what I say… fuck ’em. If they have that big of an issue with breastfeeding, then maybe their insecure about their own issues in life. Here’s some things that was said to me:
– My wife wanted to breastfeed but she couldnt do it. So you may think you can but you cant.
oh really? So since your wife can’t, I can’t. oh gee, you’re so right i forgot that the whole world evolves around you. Thanks but no thanks for your crummy advice. Im sorry your wife was unable to breastfeed, but don’t put your sob story on me, this is my story not yours.
– I can’t believe you’re going to put yourself through breastfeeding, it’s so painful and terrible.
ohhh… and don’t forget this was said by a male… who I’m 99% sure has never breastfed. But you’re right its so terrible and painful that 4 weeks in and I’m still breastfeeding joyfully.
– My sister said it was the worst thing in the world, she quit after two days. She said it was too stressful and with her pregnancy hormones she was just too overwhelmed.
You’re sister just went through 9 months of pregnancy… her hormones are not to blame. She didn’t want to breastfeed or she would have stuck with it for more than 2 days, it takes up to 6 weeks they say, to get it perfect. Two days was’t worth her time. And being a sister, you should have supported her more and tried to get her to go see a specialist and maybe done her laundry and dishes to make her not so overwhelmed. There they (you know, the assholes) go again blaming it on hormones…so as pregnant, non pregnant people…when aren’t we hormonal?
– You probably just want to do bottle since your going back to work.
ummm… no? Breastfeeding starts at the breast, then goes to the bottle. its a weaning phase, a mixed phase, or a complete transition… We mix it up, I breastfed Baby for 3 weeks exclusively. But since I have to go back to work, we are progressively trying bottles with Dad…and only dad. We are not handing baby off to everyone with a bottle so THEY can feed her. Get over yourself, its my baby…when dad’s not around mom feeds her…with my boob! and when dad is around, she may get a bottle or she may not.
Truthfully, I find bottles to be a pain in the ass. When baby whines…you have to make sure we have breastmilk thawed, then heat it up, then clean the bottles and start all over. And hopefully by the time you get the bottle heated up, your newborn isn’t crying hysterically bc now she’s starving. Breastfeed… baby whines of hunger, boob comes out, baby eats. simple and no thawing, warming, or clean up.
But yea yea yea… don’t lose bonding experience with baby because people are selfish and want to feed the baby or want to hold the baby when shes hungry. You get six weeks, maybe less, to be exclusive with your baby… everyone else can wait.

With Baby…
– I can’t believe you’re going to feed in public
it’s because people like this breastfeeding is looked down on. You can’t believe I would feed my child in public… ohhh not feed… breastfeed. But if I had a bottle it would be fine, until I couldn’t find a place to warm my bottle and my baby was screaming… Who are you to judge me? please go back to your own world where boobs don’t exist and they’re not plastered on every single billboard, social network, and advertisement.
-Oh, that’s not the same.
So what you’re telling me is that you would rather see women sexually exploited all over the media, but not a child being fed. You would rather your child or grandchild grow up thinking breastfeeding is weird and belongs at home… instead of normal, natural and seeing the world… the real world, not the pathetic one minded world in your head. errr… and did you raise this nation of complete idiots too…you know the teens who are getting pregnant because it couldn’t happen to them, the ones killing their own over an iPod, the ones who dont know the worth of a dollar nor how much work it takes to earn that dollar, who doesn’t understand English, who thinks YOLO and OMG are actual phrases, who would rather spend there days posting pictures of the sun, but not actually be in the sun, the ones who have no clue what social security is or what our rights actually mean??? You raised that kind of child, no wonder breastfeeding boggles your mind. Any damn interaction with your child would kill you, thats why you raised that kind of child. And thats why you are not my concern, move along now.
– Breastmilk and formula are practically the same
Let’s try this again… umm no?! formula is a man made substance mixed with water to make a drink that tastes similar to milk that children can gain nutrients from. Yes, formula works. But don’t tell me they’re the same. My child has spit up about 4 times, in 4 weeks. She has no problems with gas, bloating, peeing, or pooping. No acid reflux, no colic. She’s gained approx 2-4 oz a day and she is one of the easiest children Ive dealt with. And she’s healthy.
I’ve never had to change her formula because of allergies or stomach problems. I haven’t had to switch to something so expensive I cried buying it or went broke trying to feed my child. Hell I’ve never had to switch anything because my allergies are her allergies…so I don’t eat things I’m allergic too… hmm weird.
-What about the gawkers?? …the people who don’t say anything, they just stare
Guess what… I just let them stare. Sometimes I stare back at them to make them feel uncomfortable, like they are trying to make me. Heyyyy!!!
Most people aren’t judgmental, most people I have found are intrigued. Not too many moms breastfeed, let alone breastfeed in public. Its like seeing a guy in an orange suit… just something different to stare at and they probably don’t realize they’re staring. So let them stare and gawk at you, if you feel you are doin the right thing then… like I said before… fuck ’em. Feed your baby and feel liberated doing so!

Breastfeeding has come a long way. There are specialists, double pumps, single pumps, manual pumps,disposable nursing pads, washable nursing pads, handmade nursing pads, silicon covers, plastic covers, nursing bras, nursing tank tops, lanolin, heat packs, cold packs, nursing pillows… and they are all out there to make nursing the most joyful and natural experience for you, so use them.

I think that is the most of things, there will always be someone in your life telling you how to raise your child. This is your child, so when it comes to feeding, bathing, and raising, Be the mom and stand up for yourself!
I wish you well in your breastfeeding adventure, don’t forget to read about it! There are also a ton of consultants and specialists, so don’t think you’re alone! get help! feed your baby! love nursing!


Labor and Delivery

Let’s start off this by saying if you don’t want to know about my cervix, dilation, cramps, contractions, uterus or boobs…I would quit reading now. However, it will be a funny yet informative insight to meeting your little one! You also get to find out about induction, Cervadil, Pitocin, epidurals and sadly a C-Section. This is one of the longest blogs I have wrote, so give yourself the time to read!

I was a week overdue, June 24th was the projected date of Ms. Brooklyn Marie, however with her changing positions every week it was not looking like she was coming out anytime soon. So Dr. Dunn and I made the decision to make an appointment for induction, but first cervical softening. The use of Cervadil is used to help aid in the softening of the cervix, which is the first part of labor. Your cervix can start softening in your last weeks of pregnancy, you can also start to dilate weeks prior to delivery. Not me though…
So since Cervadil takes 12 hrs to donits work, I went in Sunday at 6pm.

Sunday at 6pm, I went into the hospital with Robert. I was a little nervous of the unknown but super excited to meet this little one finally! 6pm rolled around quite quickly that day and the hospital staff worked quickly into my room. Disrobe, put this gown on, no bra no underwear… nothing… just the gown. Heres your IV, start pumping fluids into your system and strap these to your belly so we can track the baby and your contractions and then lets talk about your medical history, your birth plan and of course Cervadil and Pitocin.

Cervadil, a little paper like thing with sticky medicine on one side and a long string to help with removal. You have to be very careful with this string bc its connected to your cervix but you have to have it in to 12 hours.. so when you pee and poo and move around in bed… be careful.
Oh yes, and at midnight you must quit eating. So, Cervadil was set in place by the nurse and Robert went to get dinner, Steak and Shake. I sat at the hospital watching random sitcoms while Cervadil did its thing. And labor had begun, not active labor tho, I wasn’t feeling much yet. Around 11pm I started feeling baby contractions, crampiness, and slight discomfort. This lasted until the morning, getting a little worse as time progressed. The nurse checked our (mine and babys) vitals every few hours but insisted we get some rest for the morning.
And morning came quickly with the frequent peeing and vital checks. 7am and a new nurse, Anne, who is a great great nurse. She had to remove the Cervadil and as good as I could describe it… it felt as if she was removing scotch tape from my va-jay-jay…. it was painfully removed.
And after removal, I felt a little better walking and moving but the contractions worsened. But I got to shower, freshen up, and change into a new gown. And we can now let the Pitocin begin. Pitocin brings on your contractions…. fast…. and harshly. You don’t get to go through the textbook 12 hrs labor of a contraction once and hr and then once every 40 minutes, 20 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 min. You get to go from having no contractions to having contractions approx every five minutes and they are strong.
Anne came in every 15-30 minutes to turn up the Pitocin drip, check my vitals, and to make sure I was doing ok. She also had to check my cervix for any softening or dilation… cervical checks… terrible especially if you’re already in pain. But not too much was happening down yonder, A few cm here a few there.
Dr Dunn came in about 1030 to check me and to break the bag. 5cm dilated and she ‘artificially’ broke my bag, which I didn’t think was going to be comfortable but wow, what a weird pain. It was a terrible pain but you have to stay still as possible throughout it. She said my contractions would worsen and if I wanted to get an epidural, now was the time, but I refused.
By 11, my contractions were a minute apart and I couldn’t get a sentence in about the pain. Tears rolled down my face as I said I was ok and didn’t want anything. The back labor was the worse pain. Oh yes, and if you’ve read anything about child birth you know back labor means the baby is turned faceup.
And I have to say Robert was a rock, he stood by me throughout the pain, reminded me of my breathing and position changes. He also stood by me when I denied any pain killers.
It was around 1pm and I had moved from the bed to the chair back to bed to the birthing ball and it came over me. The exhaustion. That’s about all I could call it, I hadnt eaten for over 12 hours, I’ve been handling intense pain every minute for 2 hours and I didn’t feel as if I could do it anymore. Especially not for another 3-5 hrs more. So I asked for it, Give me the epidural please.
Anne had been extremely kind an patient with me understanding my want to do things naturally, however she did ease me into my decision telling me of all the great things, easier labor, minimal pain, a chance to sleep, relaxation can lead to quicker delivery… and she was right except about the delivery.
By 2, the epidural was placed, which was a hard process still going through contractions and having to be completely still. But I could finally breathe, I was relaxed, and I still felt the contractions but never the pain. I could get rest, I enjoyed watchin a movie, listening to music and spending the time with Robert.
By 5pm, I was still only 5cm but now the right side of my cervix had begun to swell, they could tell the baby was face up, and things weren’t looking so great for a vaginal delivery but they stayed positive and so did I. Anne’s shift had come to an end and she was so sad not to see the outcome, she said it was very exciting to see the whole process. One last check of my cervix, 5cm and the swelling was worse. Anne called Dr. Dunn and she said she would be in around 930 to recheck me and to go over our options. So it was practically just a waiting game until then, stay calm and focused. Laura was my nurse now, she came to see how we were doing every so often.
When Dr. Dunn came in she was in her scrubs and asked how I was doing and said Anne talked about how I waited for the epidural and that I was still only 5cm, if that, my cervix was still swelling and the baby was making her transition right back into her breeched location. And she said they could let me labor it out until Wednesday but she wasn’t going to come out without a C-Section. And the process began…
Now I had 3 nurses, an anesthesiologist, Robert, Laura, and myself in my room. Prepping me… compression socks, take Pitocin off my IV, wrap my hair up, answering questions about medicine allergies and intolerances, get Robert in his scrubs, move to OR, change beds, coverup, stick all these monitors to you, put up a barricade so I cant see below my chest, my questions how are you, doing okay brandy?, meeting more nurses OR nurses, and in walks Dr. Dunn assisted by a male doctor. And Robert, who sat next to me.

‘Can you feel this cold?’ as something was placed on my neck. ‘yes.’
‘Ok, now tell me when you feel it again…’
The anesthesiologist placed something on my belly and moved around and around but I felt nothing until it was under my boobs.
‘right there.’ ‘good. she’s ready.’

I’m ready? Am I Ready? To go thru surgery? To be a mom? To try breastfeeding? To ask for help? To change poopy diapers? To feed a child that doesn’t speak? For my life to change in say about 5 minutes???
I was ready. As ready as I would ever be.

I could hear Dr. Dunn and the other doctor talk about incision lines, the nurses talking about utensil count, machines beeping, and Robert and I just staring at each other… like this is reallly happening… now. Right Now.

As Robert and I chit chatted about random things you could here…
Can you feel this? There’s goin to be some pressure. Let me know if you feel nauseous. Can you feel any pain? Oh hi baby girl. Look at those lashes. a few dull cries.
And I was looking at my baby girl.
‘Here she is, I have to go wash her off.’
‘Whats her name?’ ‘Brooklyn’
‘Well Hi Brooklyn.’
And she was whisked away to a place I could not see but only hear.
‘Ok Brandy we just have to close you up.’
I wanted to jump up and down. Ah she’s finally here but all I could do was smile with tears of joy in my eyes.
Robert too. Walking over to her as shes being scored and cleaned up, for her debut next to Mommy’s cheek. Robert sat back down and a few seconds later, Brooklyn was placed next to my face, I could kiss her chunky cheeks, gaze into her sweet eyes, and touch her skin. And off she went again to recovery.
After patching me all up and cleaning off my belly, the curtain was dropped and I was hoisted over to my recovery bed. They said I did great, one of the easiest patients they’ve had. And off to recovery we went. Check my vitals, Check baby’s vitals, make sure dad is ok, time to start skin to skin and breastfeeding. A perfect latch the first time and she was a pro. 2 hours in recovery and we were heading to our Room for the week.

Labor and delivery was over. We have a beautiful baby girl at 10:14pm, 7lbs 1oz, 20 inches long.

And that was it. It seemed like forever but it moved so quickly. 28 hrs later we finally met the little one who’s been playing kickboxing with my kidneys. I have to say Labor and Delivery nurses have no shame, they do this every day. So your exposure is going to come and go like you’ve done this your whole life.
Opening your gown to strangers is quite uncomfortable at first but the longer you stay, the more comfortable you get with your nurse and it seems the more comfortable she is with you. And after delivery, you get to know the Mom and Baby nurses who help you get up and out of bed, take out your lovely catheter, IV, and check your vitals. And they teach you how to clean yourself, talk about gross. You get to wear these big mesh undies, with something they call a pad… its more like a small mattress. And until you quit bleeding like someone was just murdered, you wear these fashionable mesh things and sit on pads in your bed. But once things settle, you can go to regular undies and regular pads. I have to say the pads at the hospital are not your everyday kotex or always… so you may wanna bring some with!
Also if you’re wondering what gets you through all of this, it’s your nurses and your support.
If you have shitty nurses or shitty support, the hospital is going to seem terrible.
Luckily, I had the best time one could have in the hospital, they allowed me to get out of bed by 430am, I was eating solid foods by lunch, showered and in my own clothes by 7pm. My baby stayed with me at all times, except for her first bath and required tests for discharge.

A few tips and tricks:
Don’t overpack, for you or the baby
Take the Motrin and Dulcolax
Drink a lot of water and cranberry juice
Eat… eat when you want and what you want
If you need pain meds, ask for them
Ask for help with breastfeeding, changing diapers, burping, holding… anything. Your nurses deal with babies and new moms everyday, ask them!
Read all the things they give you, when you get the time.
If you cant pee once your catheter is taken out try blowing bubbles in a cup while sitting on the toilet

If you’re breastfeeding:
nursing bra
breast pad
comfy clothes to nurse in

Sleep if you can.
if not, Relax.

and I think that is all the important things you need to know, now go enjoy your baby!

Let the Countdown Begin Week 38

Last few weeks of pregnancy, eh? How is that going for you? Have you turned into cleaning mom, super women, baby blues, a beached whale, stressed out, feeling great, crying a lot???? Maybe all of the above because you have no idea what to feel anymore and people have become certainly annoying with their stupid questions, comments, and ‘concerns’??? Well lets talk about them and if you’re reading along while not being pregnant… let’s make you a good pregnancy companion!

I don’t know how many times I had to tell the same people my due date, if it was a boy or girl, how things were going … yadda yadda yadda. But I knew they asked because they had some care or concern. But what about the assholes… you know the assholes coworkers or your asshole regulars or maybe even your asshole family and friends?? What about them? How degrading and personal can you get with a pregnant person before she isn’t ‘hormonal’ anymore and you’re just the asshole? Yea you… the one talking about how huge she is, how shes not going to make it to her due date, how she needs to just have the kid already, or how you don’t understand how shes still pregnant? oh or why shes going to try natural labor, breastfeeding, and still at work?
Well let’s start with why I’m still at work, yes still, I am post due and I am picking up shifts. If no one has ever told you or anyone else a child tacks on some heavy duty bills and as much help as the state will give you it is never going to be enough. Between rent, electric, water, sewage, food, the little things in life, and all your previous credit card and other debt… adding a baby isn’t easy. So yes, pregnant people still work. And it hurts, makes us tired, stresses us out, but we still have bills to pay and not all of us have million dollar husbands or families. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Also, I enjoy work. Have people ever thought of that??? I enjoy going in and meeting new people, making possible new friends, hearing stories of their kids, and being able to have conversations that don’t include a wall, a dog, or myself as the thing listening to me. Sitting at home while your pregnant sounds nice, it really does, but actually doing it can drive you bat shit crazy. And I don’t know how people cant understand this… With Why are you still working? Why don’t you just go home and have the baby? Why does Robert allow you to work? so let’s clear some shit up now. I work to make money and because I enjoy it, I don’t go home and have this baby because well THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS… well talk more about this next, and Robert doesn’t allow me to work, he doesn’t allow me to do anything except vacuum because he has to carry it up and down the stairs… and he’s not stupid he knows I need out of the house and we need the extra cash.
What about the ‘you’re still pregnant’ remarks. Oh my god, You’re still pregnant, you still haven’t had the baby, you’re so huge, go have her I want to meet her, Im anxious…. oh shut the hell up already… all of you. Nothing is more degrading to a pregnant women then how overdue and huge she really is and why you, a bystander, have all the right answers.
This is where I’m going to see a bit ‘hormonal’ but believe me it’s really that you’re a complete idiot with no common courtesy. Let’s check the facts first,
a.) most first pregnancy’s go into post date, meaning approx. 85% of all first pregnancy’s go passed their due date
b.) a due date is a made up date in which your last period and the rate in which the ultrasound says your baby is growing
c.) my doctor knows much more about my cervix and my vagina then you ever will
d.) Pregnancy can last up to 42 weeks without a doctors concern after that the doctor and patient, meaning me the mom, not you will choose what is best for mom and baby
e.) its not my choice to be overdue, but obviously the baby isn’t ready and as long as she is healthy, I’m not going to force her out. Induction isn’t supposed to be used before 40 weeks and for those who used it before that, we can debate later
So asshole, I haven’t had this baby because she was breech and then she moved and then she scooted back up and then she stayed there. She’s not ready, my cervix isn’t ready, and if you’re real curious I haven’t dilated 1 tiny fucking cm… ok?! So if you think you’re all high and mighty and know when Im going to have this baby, maybe you should go get your degree, Okay Dr Phil? and then after you do that go join Dr. Oz and all three of you can have a show about psyche, losing wight and having babies.
And YES for God’s sake Im STILL PREGNANT… Do you see my belly, do you? Or are you a complete idiot and just like my witty comments. You’re still pregnant… Nope baby’s at home and I decided to wear a fat suit for now on… As Jeff Foxworthy would say, here’s your sign! And maybe people ask this question, because they don’t know what to say… well here are some fine options:
a.) Aww, you look great today, you can see the pregnancy glow from across the room
b.) That is a very cute dress/outfit/shoes/ect
c.) I applaud that you are still working, I wish more people were like you
d.) I’m happy to see you’re pregnancy going so well
e.) anything other than “wow, you’re still pregnant” is great!

I also dislike people telling me how anxious they are and they just wish I would have the baby already. Oh really are you? You’re anxious? Im pretty sure Im the one who has been pregnant, not you. And Im not at all that anxious to push this baby out of my tiny, little va jay jay… I’ll be excited when I have my baby and get to see her and hold her. But I’m not anxious. So tellin me you’re anxious, pretty much just annoys me. And I know the family is anxious, so I’m not saying your all assholes. Im just saying watch how you say things and how often you say things. Shooting me a text like hey, thinking about you, getting anxious to see the wee one… Is much nicer then seeing the same text ‘Im anxious have the baby already would you’ or talking to the same person about the same bullshit everyday, because truthfully if you’re not “family” I don’t really give a shit how you feel about my pregnancy. (i use family in ” ” because most of my family are not blood related, but they know who they are)
And for all your arrogant people out there who are like wow, this girl’s a real bitch or really hormonal… I’m not. I am kind of a bitch, but Im not hormonal, Im being truthful and if you cant see it lets put it into perspective. Pregnant woman have so much going on in their lives, especially in the last few weeks and 90% of what they are preparing for is the unknown. It’s like going to hike a new mountain that you have all the information but all the information says “everyone’s experience is different, this is just general information”. Its stressful and exciting and scary and happy and sad and all of that rolled into one. And the last thing they need is for you, whoever you are, be you the best friend, the mom, the in law, the customer, the regular, the co-worker, the boss, the friend, the acquaintance, the random person in the store… telling her what she needs to do, how big she is, or how your/your wifes/sisters/bestfriends pregnancy was. What if every time you went up to her she was like, “Oh, is your marriage failing STILL?” “You haven’t fixed your life YET?” ” You’re son is STILL an asshole?” “You’re STILL fixing up your house?” “You STILL haven’t found a job?””My dad lost his job and bought my mom nice things, why can’t you do that for your wife?” “I really don’t know much about you but maybe you should change your doctor because when I hurt my hand my doctor…. bleh bleh bleh” “I know were not in the ‘same situation’ but one time when I was stressed out, I just did yoga, you should try yoga” “You know I can’t wait until you lose weight so we can go out and do things again” and when you’re having a great day, I hope she comes up to you and says “You seem miserable, why don’t you go home and relax?”
And after she says such personally demeaning things to you, I want you to smile and laugh it off, just like we have to because if we don’t, its blamed on hormones and not your assholish tendencies of forgetting to keep your mouth shut…. get it now???? Your momma taught you how to think before you speak and if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all….time to use what your momma told you!

And last but not least, I’m not huge. I’m pregnant. I have a baby who is approx. 6-8 lbs growing inside me. On top of that, I have 2x the amount of blood in my body, 20% more water, a sac of fluid that weighs about 5 lbs which is covered by my growing uterus that weighs approx 2-5 lbs, my breasts are producing milk and fatty tissue to aid in breastfeeding, some fat is being stored for energy during delivery, oh yea and the placenta that is nurturing my baby weighs about 3 lbs. So you wanna know how much weight I’ve actually gained because Im sooooooooo big…. oh around twenty to thirty GO F*#& YOURSELF pounds. But next time you pack on a few pounds, I’ll be sure to let you know! 😳

So besides all the ignorant people of the world, how are these last few weeks going… well great! Her nursery is finally set up and its the cutest room in the house, the fridge is stocked with food and quick meals and ice cream bars, the house is clean, my bags are packed, and I feel great. I do my yoga every night and I prepare the house a little more each day, and some days I just lay with my pup and talk to him about his new little sister.
I did have a crying break down over dinner one night, but I knew that was just a hormonal craze I would have to get thru. But my loving boyfriend, picked me up off the floor and held me telling me everything was going to be fine and as I told him how much of a baby back bitch I was he went in the kitchen and made me dinner. And now I am a week overdue, so with an extra ultrasound this week, no cervix softening, no dilation, and very few contractions, the doctor thinks induction at 41 weeks is best, so we went out last night for dinner to a little fancy restaurant for the last time as a couple without child. And it was great getting my LBD on, doing my hair and make up and throwin on a pair of heels… for the last time as a preggar! Dinner was fun, walking around downtown was fun, watching a rented movie eating chocolate eclairs was relaxing and now next time you hear from me, I will be mom of Baby Brooklyn come Monday and I will tell you all about the induction, labor and delivery process. No horror stories just cold hard witty facts and comments about the natural process of child birth. And I’m so freaking excited you wouldn’t believe! TTFN as Tigger says! Ta Ta For Now my friends, talk to you soon!

The last Month Countdown

Oh the last month has been quite phenomenal with the birthing classes, moving, peeing my pants at least once, packing, baby shower and yes i did finally cut my hours at work. I guess we can start with the classes, no one is going to be able to tell you how to have your baby, when your baby is truly going to arrive, and how your body reacts to it, but for more information on process and techniques used in labor and delivery, we decided to take a Prepared Child Birth class. It has shown us natural delivery, delivery with some medication, and C-Sections. It also has shown us relaxation techniques and ways to use everyday items, such as tennis balls, to help with pain. My class tho, seem like a bunch of idiots. I had 6 weeks to go our first day, and everyone else a month to 4 months to go. It seemed like not one of them had picked up a book to know one thing about the process of pregnancy. And theres a few who are so disgusted with the simple thought of delivery they close their eyes and gag when we talk about it… maybe it wasn’t the right time for you to get pregnant… maybe you should have read first about it. Why would you want to be so unprepared for something that you have no control over happening?! And these same simple minded idiots then discussing that they want every drug in the book so they don’t experience the pain, I wonder if they have thought these things thru, how it affects your unborn child who is 1/20th your pre-pregnancy size. I know for myself narcotics make me extremely nauseated, tired, and unable to handle most situations… nothing I would want a child to undergo. Epidurals are much better not truly effecting the child, but could effect breastfeeding. Which for some is very important. and Could give you a UTI bc of the use of a catheter, I’d break my arm twice before I thought about getting another UTI, especially since pregnancy has shown me a whole different pain from UTIs. I’m not saying I’m going without or people who use drugs are weak, I’m just saying I’m going to try going as long as possible without an epidural, hoping I will not get one and narcotics are out of the question. I couldn’t think of walking into the delivery room and just sitting there doped up on whatever they’ll give me. so I guess thats all I have to say about classes, I find them extremely informative and good for the money you spend on them.
So did you hear about practicing your kegals and strengthening your lady parts to help with delivery and any incontinence that pregnancy may give you? haha Except when your slipping in the parking garage while singing… yea, that’s right! I was on my way to class walking thru the parking garage with Robert, who has his hands full of blankets and pillows and myself caring my bag of a purse and two McCafe coffees. And I was singing “your song” from Moulin Rouge… obviously because parking garages have great acoustics. And while I took my last few steps out of the parking garage, I stepped on the little yellow OUT arrow and suddenly fell to my knee. Surprising me but as I was in the splits on the ground, not able to get up because I had no hands to use and Robert not being able to help bc of his full hands, I couldn’t help but laugh and try explaining what happened… oh pee happened. you know not like a full gush of pee, just like a tinkle which made me laugh harder, causing worse conditions for both of us. My pants and feet were all dirty and I couldn’t quit laughing. So when I went to class I emptied my lovely bladder, that was obviously too full for laughing and thought God, I have to blog about this! Pregnant people falling is not funny, so if you actually hurt yourself tell your doctor, Thankfully in my situation I was fine.
Last week, 37 weeks, the doctor has started the cervical checks to see if the baby was in position, any dilation was happening… you know all that fun stuff and come to find out Ms. Brooklyn is breech, laying on my right side looking at my left. Transverse Breech, which is not good for birth and will not be happening naturally. I have spent this last week hanging off the couch upside down, pushing her to the left, laying on my left side and any other ridiculous thing midwives say on the internet to make your baby move. So we go back tomorrow to see if shes moved. cross your fingers!
We had our shower, it was great! Saw a bunch of people from back home I haven’t seen in a long time and we received a bunch of amazing gifts. Mom has all the pictures or I would share. And we move tomorrow to our new place, so I will be back to tell you more exciting things!!!

Meeting your match

Meetin your match when it comes to work rest and nutrition. I’ve been doing pretty well, I’m coping with not sleeping, I eat what I can in the morning, and I’m still working my 10:30-6, 5 days a week. I can’t say it’s easy but I spend Sunday and Monday in bed or on the couch most of the time. Oh but Saturday was a different story, I didn’t sleep all night, toss and turn, I didn’t eat well throughout the week, noticing yesterday I was lacking on my protein intake the last week, and I had to be up for work in… oh 3 hrs (staring at the clock at 7am), I even moved to the couch to see if I could fall asleep there.
I did my normal routine of getting up showering putting myself together, taking the dog out and eating breakfast, a lovely meal combined of cereal and juice. I wasn’t feeling the greatest, my mind a few clicks behind my body but that’s what no sleep does to a person, esp a pregnant person, so I went on with my day opening the bar. I had a couple sit down for drinks and Lunch, it was BOGO entree day for a Mothers Day weekend special. And was feeling fine, made there drinks, put there food orders in and then the exhaustion set in while one of my all time regulars walked in. We made small talk and he asked for an Absolut Bomb, no Bomb tho and as he said it I could feel my body shutting down, scary but I was conscious of it, so I took a few steps back, held up the one sec finger and walked away… to my GMs office, she’s lovely btw, as I said I’m going to pass out but Jimmy needs an Absolut on the Rocks and I lowered myself to the ground, which she put me on a chair instead. Things seemed white around me, like that second you spent too much time on the treadmill and your body is like ohhh no, I’m done!
But once I sat down I felt ok, A little shaky but extremely hot. So my GM forces water, juice, and a cold towel at me as I sit there angry bc I would like to stay at work for 5 more weeks, but looks as if my body is saying no.
We then talk about maybe cutting my hours or calling someone in for the day, but my stubborn ass says no, unless it happens again. But I agreed to do no lifting at all and kept the juice and water flowing while eating anything I could… lemon bread, a donut, French fries….
By the time I decided to get up and walk back to my bar, Genna had my regulars beered up, my couple was done with lunch, I swear only 10 or 20 minutes had passed, and jimmy was gone but coming back in a few.
So I started my day over I had everyone a bit worried and more helpful than ever. Not really fond of that, I’m not one to ask for help nor do I feel that I should use people since I am the reason I’m still at work, but it did help.
I didn’t feel great for the rest of the day, but I made it to 6 without passing out, Jimmy came back and I made his drink without running away, and then I went to Portillo’s grabbed a beef and cheddar and a Chocolate Shake, went home and slept until 8 the next morning. ahhhh, sleep.
So Sunday I went to the grocery store, stocked up on yogurt, Pre-made Chai Protein from Bolthouse, and Breakfast Essentials Protein mix for my milk in the mornings. Like I said, I want to be at work 5 more weeks, well 4 more weeks now, I have 6 weeks to go with pregnancy and I can’t sit at home all day, it’ll drive me crazy. So packing on the protein and calories in the morning it is because this little baby Brooklyn is sucking the life out of me little by little.

Hormonal Today

Hitting the hormonal section of pregnancy, guess it’s time. I’m tired, my feet hurt, I didn’t work much this week and I got a lot done but today I went back to work for a normal 8 hrs shift and felt as if my anxiety was crazy high and my temperament for people is at an all time low. I just think my mind is on high speed and my body is slowing down, telling me it’s time for rest. 10 more weeks, just 10 more weeks…. but this is how today felt…
(copied and edited text to mom)
I didn’t sleep long enough and I feel like the morning came to quickly and I had to be at work an hr earlier which screwed up my time basis. and I didn’t want to go to work this morning, that’s not normal. I left a little late bc I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t find my clock in card, to only find it in the wrong pocket of my purse, making me feel a bit more crazy. and then I couldn’t finish anything today, id start one thing then have to do something else and our beer truck didn’t come today so we didn’t have anything to stock and that stresses me out, though i know i cant do anything about it. and as I was trying to leave the servers and all like “wah, your being crazy pregnant today” and my customers are like “bleh, can’t think straight cuz your pregnant” and I just wanna be like “fuck off I don’t bitch when you have an off day”. then I find out I am opening the restaurant tomorrow at 8am which isn’t really a big deal, but that I didn’t notice it on the schedule, stresses me out bc i don’t not know my schedule….ever. idk??? I just want to crawl in my bed.

I need to go get my nails done but just don’t want to leave the chair in my living room, chocolate, a bubble bath, maybe some yoga…maybe something will get my stress down and my anxiety to slow. But until then I just feel crazy and irrational.

Oh the changes…

Don’t read this if you don’t wanna know more terror… lol

So hello, it’s been so long…working a lot lately. So what have you been going through lately… We’ve hit the 3rd Trimester this week! Less Energy for you, More Baby Activity, what about your lovely ta-tas, how are they holding on? Mine are growing a lb a day it seems and nothing seems to help, the new bras, the sports bra, the top with a bra built in…and have you looked into buying Nursing Pads yet? oh wait, but we’re not nursing, get ready for it… you may start “leaking” before the baby comes and from what I’ve heard from my girlfriends…. its just about to get worse after the baby. Pregnancy seems to be a leaky leaky situation. And your nose is stuffy and your brain…well that is gone…

I don’t feel as if I can keep up with work anymore, I go brain dead mid-sentence half the time or while I’m trying to ring something into the computer, I just stare at the screen until I remember again…Oh and what about remembering things and writing them down correctly, that skill has too left me. But I love work so I’m not leaving anytime soon, they may just have to kick me out!

Even tho I have less energy, I have been keeping up with my fit-ness if you will! Downloading Pre-Natal Yoga, Pilates, and Fitness videos. Yoga is exhausting just to let you know, I never knew Downward Facing Dog could be so hard. And don’t download or try videos in which the “instructor” is not pregnant, it makes you hate them (and that’s irrational). 

I have found that in my previous post.. you know the lovely UTI one… CAN and did get worse… back to the doctor I went last week and the doctor laughed and said Yes, you have these cells and high count in these cells and it looks like kidney stones maybe. “Awesome.” was my response. So it was back to the antibiotics, which I’m still on and more water. Which neither go nicely with a baby dancing on your bladder and every other organ you once enjoyed.

And How’s your baby doing? Is it a he or she? Is she dancing around in your belly and maybe sticking her foot in your rib cage just because she fits there. Or maybe she’s flipping around over and over and you just see your stomach wave about, like a scene from Alien??! If you’re anything like me, you find it extremely uncomfortable but totally enjoyable to feel and watch. 

And How are your dreams… or wait are you sleeping? Low Energy, No Rest, No Sleeping, and if you do get sleep it leads to crazy dreams…. wait what?! Exactly, your days of sleeping are over, the tossing and turning has started or maybe you have to pee every…hour or so, and you probably have made it an igloo inside your room just so your comfortable temperature wise. 

So changes eh… have fun! you’re pregnant!